Matrix, Morning Meditation, and the Moon

Yesterday I spent more than 6 hours working on airline flights for myself from Nelson to London and back.  This was not the first time I have worked on this, I have  6 pages of possible scenarios for flights, dates, airlines, routes, various people going at different times.  All of this to try and figure out who in  my family would be where for the fall months, could we all be together on Christmas, what is the least expensive but still productive way to manage all of this?  Yes it feels like a giant matrix that if you move 1 part it adjust so many others.  The overwhelming number of options along with the pressure of cost can feel immobilising.  At 10 pm last night I finally had confirmed airline tickets for me, with the hope that my passport has been returned from Immigration New Zealand by the date that I picked.  

I awoke early as I do most mornings, and carried my comforter from my bed out to the lounge for my morning meditation.  I positioned myself so that the light from the street lamp was blocked by the casing of the door, but I could still see the mountain ridge line in the east.  I began the mantra, the one that I begin each meditation with,  ‘I am a seed dwelling in the self, pulled towards the world I seperate from thee, expanding, I experience the various aspects of life.  Now I withdraw my mind from the flow of the world, and offer my life to thee, that thou my flow through me…..’

I look up into the sky and see the last bit of the moon as the morning light is just beginning to filter in, and realize again what a small piece of this world I am. I continue the mantra, ‘I empty  myself that I might be filled by thee, I relinquish the world that I might take refuge in thee, you guide the way, giving strength and support, I shut out the noise of the world, that I might hear thy voice…’

I begin to feel clarity, that there is a God that sees the whole matrix, and can easily move the pieces where necessary.  ‘You protect me and dispel my fears, as illusions fall away.’  

The vastness that opens up in me is calming, it is not so difficult, rather simple.  The pieces seem to be fewer, I am reminded of ‘The little prince’ and how few things there are on his moon, the flower, his sheep, and I am the same.

I choose to only listen to the bird song as I do my meditation. Listening to the world wake up around me and feel a greater sense of calm.  This is why I get out of bed early and  start the day in the quiet of the house that is still dark, and feel the world wake up outside.  This brings the balance I need with so many decisions beginning made.  

‘I withdraw my mind from the flow of the world, and offer my life to thee’